“How are you?”
“I’m fine.”
Does it sound familiar? This short dialogue pervades our daily life, such as at school, in the company, greeting old friends or even when meeting strangers. This is a kind of lie we tell every day. It is a social habit that often does not go through deep brain thinking. However, are we really fine? “I’m fine” is fast, polite and convenient to socialize, but is it harmless? Not at all. In fact, this common practice may cover up deep emotional and social problems.
Funny show that people have to say it is fine when they are injure. Source: Instagram.
Society often teaches us to hide our vulnerability. Since childhood, people have been trained to be strong and calm, regardless of our true feelings. It seems that complaining will make others feel uncomfortable, and showing weakness will be despised. We learn to force a smile to meet the expectations of society. People are afraid that being honest with each other will lead to misunderstanding or criticism, like Psychology Today(2021) explained that many people say “I’m fine” to avoid being judged and protect themselves from appearing vulnerable. In this social norm, restraint is more popular than frankness.
However, it’s not healthy. Over time, denying one’s true feelings will cause damage to mental health and interpersonal relationships. Emotional depression can aggravate stress, anxiety and social distancing. Tiny Buddha pointed out that frank self-expression can enhance interpersonal relationships and self-awareness. Expressing your emotions frankly can make others understand and support us more deeply. Similarly, research by Karnilowicz et al.,(2020) shows that hiding true emotions can damage interpersonal relationships, and parents who prevent their children from releasing stress will make their children more anxious and less enthusiastic. This model a ects not only adults, but also the closest people around us. This shows that hiding emotions is not only a personal problem but also an interpersonal problem, which affects people’s socialising style.
Global mental health data demonstrated the severity of this phenomenon. According to the World Health Organization(2025) hundreds of millions of people around the world are a ected by mental disorders, which highlights the urgent need to express emotions frankly. In addition, the American Psychological Association(2023) pointed out that the pressure of social media will increase the stress and anxiety of teenagers and young people, thus increasing the harm of hiding di iculties online. Many young people feel forced to publish only perfect and happy content, which makes it more di icult for them to admit that they are in a bad state. Digital platforms increase people’s pressure, and daily communication is becoming a kind of “performance”.
“How are you?” ‘s real answer is similar to a kind of confession. It doesn’t need to be exaggerated. You just need to express your true feelings, such as “I’m tired. I haven’t had a good time recently” and “Actually, it’s a little bad”. These simple and sincere words are often the key to socialising. At the same time, they can open the door to communication in people’s hearts, so as to have a more meaningful and in-depth dialogue.
Ultimately, the focus of the question is not casual greeting and catching up, but people subconsciously think that “I’m fine” is the standard answer. People regard emotional indifference as the norm, thinking that politeness can solve the problems brought about by socialising, thus hiding their true feelings and thoughts. It’s time for us to change this habit and abandon this idea, which is not friendly to our mental health.
Sometimes the bravest and most sincere answer is actually very simple, perhaps it is a sentence:
“I’m really bad today”.
Han Tianyong 
Yinan Zhou 
Xinyue HOU