This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Ads.

Let’s stop pretending this chaos is about jeans, because it’s not.

Sydney Sweeney’s American Eagle commercial has everyone in a state of chaos, but it’s not because it’s racist, sexist, or even somewhat eugenic. The reason for this is that it was way too successful at showing the culture war as a single, massive Instagram filter that was all illusion, lacking of complexity, and just the perfect amount of cleavage.

Sydney Sweeney says, “Genes are passed down from my parents… my jeans are from American Eagle,” looking directly at the camera. That’s all. The scandal is that. A foolish phrase. The internet, however, exploded because she is attractive, white, and somewhat giving Midwestern prom queen. It was labelled Nazi-coded by the left. A party was thrown by the right. What about American Eagle? They most likely ordered a second yacht since they sold so many pairs of jeans.

It’s not even about what she said, it’s about who said it. Replace someone whose bio contains pronouns and who has purple hair, would it cause the same reaction? I don’t think so. However, Sydney? The Final Boss of Blonde. She is more than a face. She is a vibe, and in a world where people just look at the headline, vibes are crucial.

Unsurprisingly, Dr. Phil got in, labelling this ‘eugenics’ and promising to buy jeans for all the women in his family like some bizarre denim Santa. Trump’s comment that it’s “the HOTTEST ad out there” indicating that the culture war bingo card is now complete.

The worst part, however, is that according to a YouGov survey, 39% of respondents thought that the commercial was creative, while only 12% were truly offended. Therefore, 88% of us are merely observing what is happening while looking for coupons. This was not something that went wrong. It was a brilliant marketing move. American Eagle was fully aware of the outcome. We gave the marshmallows, and they ignited the match. Sydney Sweeney didn’t start the fire, she just looked amazing standing next to it.